I have five kids from the ages of 27 down to 11 and I’ve seen a lot over the years. Some I’d like to forget. I’ve witnessed how the Internet has segued from a vital and exciting educational tool to a landing strip (excuse the pun) for predators and pornographers. I’ve watched as kids have stumbled into instant access to some of the most hardened and graphic images we could have ever imagined. I’ve watch online predators pray on their short term naivety. Short-termed because once they’ve been exposed they become savvy in a world we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy. Sodom used to be a city. Now it’s available visually on our laptops, our tablets, our netbooks and our kids’ phones. From streaming porn to sexting, trying to raise a child today in a world devoid of their exposure to adult and unseemly content has become nearly impossible. If you think you’ve conquered this – and I’ve been there – you’re wrong. But I refuse to give up.

Lord knows we’ve tried. We’ve put filters and accountability software on our computers only to now have to deal with a new generation of kids who spend more time on their phones, tablets and Facebook than the home computer we’ve so carefully placed in a public place so we could supervise them. I’ve seen prostitutes and porn actors become revered celebrities. I’ve seen evidence of young girls trained at an early age on the very adult and pornographic ways of making their boyfriends happy without losing their virginity. We’ve watched young pre-teen girls send sexual images to boys and the boys texting their aroused responses. It’s an unsavory topic and frankly, one that makes me cringe daily. But it’s real and like the pornography that pervades our society – unavoidable.

So how do we combat all that is assaulting our family’s senses and morality? I would ask you start by viewing Internet Safety 101 produced by Enough Is Enough. It’s a fantastic and in-depth guide to educating parents on what’s out there, what to avoid and how to arm our families with the facts. It’s not a simple world anymore and has become almost a full time job to comprehend and combat.

What I hope to do in this column is provide personal experience and an insight from someone who uses these tools for good (and a living) while attempting to protect his kids from the bad and ugly. From texting and Facebook to Twitter and YouTube, this column will provide an assist for those, who like me, are doing everything they can to become “DAPer” – in a good way.

There are things I’m going to share here that are ugly, starling, and yes, sometimes amusing. But the bottom line is this. If we don’t share our experiences, we’re doomed to wonder who and what else is out there. There is no shame in admitting we’ve sometimes failed and at times fallen asleep at the media wheel. There is only shame in doing nothing at all. We owe ourselves to be educated and in a defensive and informed posture with one big goal that EIE has stood for since its inception – to protect our kids.

I look forward to sharing my insight and experiences and hearing more about yours. I don’t have all the answers. You already know you don’t. Let’s become “DAPer” together.

Mark Gilman is a Senior Vice President for a Detroit area marketing, video and public relations agency and an advisory board member of Enough Is Enough. A former reporter, radio talk show host and corporate communications executive, Mark now provides marketing and social media strategy for companies and non-profits across the country. He can be reached at sociallyawareparents@gmail.com

In an effort to combat cyberbullying and the negative consequences felt by children and families, I want to focus this blog post on some solutions to prevent cyberbullying. The challenges are many and the roles of parents, educators, bystanders and others are paramount.

Cyberbullies use technology to harass and torment their victims via digital communications.  Any Internet-enabled or mobile devices can be abused in the process of cyberbullying. Unlike schoolyard bullying, cyberbulling can occur 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, be it through texting, social media or instant messaging. In fact the methods of cyberbullying are only limited by the bully’s imagination. Listed below are three major challenges presented by cyberbullying, as well as solutions to overcome these challenges.

 Challenge 1: Your child falsely believes he or she cannot control what is posted on his or her social networking site or who sends messages to him or her.

 Solution 1: Kids can control who posts on their online profiles by first, setting their profiles as private, meaning those not approved by your child as an online “friend” cannot view your child’s information or post on your child’s profile. Secondly, kids can control who posts on their profiles by blocking specific online “friends” from being able to view or post information. In an effort to prevent and monitor cyberbullying that may occur, make it your responsibility as the parent to ensure your child’s profile is set to private and you are “friended” by your child so that you can review the activities and comments on your childs social networking site.

Challenge 2: Your child feels uncomfortable telling you what someone else wrote on your child’s wall because the comment is inappropriate. Therefore your child fears you may be disappointed in him or her.

 Solution 2: Keep open lines of communication with your child and build an atmosphere of trust. Review online posts in question with your child to make him or her aware of your concern and to start an open dialogue about cyberbullying. Make sure you look your child in the eye and tell him or her that nothing anyone else says or writes in a message will decrease your love.  It’s important to stay calm and avoid overreacting. Your children will be more comfortable talking to you about issues they encounter if they aren’t afraid you will make matters worse.

Challenge 3: Your child feels powerless to deal with cyberbullying.

Solution 3: Feeling powerless is a normal feeling for bullied kids. Encourage and empower your child with tools for victims of bullying (featured in a graphic at the bottom of this post). If your child is harassed online, contact the administrator of the site on which your child is harassed. All social networking sites have a zero tolerance policy for cyberbullying, and those who like to bully online will find their profiles shut down. Remind your child that giving bullies attention is exactly what they want, so ignore them as much as possible.

In a recent CBS News 48 Hours, the mother of Jessica Logan, a victim of cyberbullying and suicide, said, “I did as much as I could do as a parent knowing as little as I did.”  I am sure there are many other parents concerned because they know little about the new-age online danger of cyberbullying plaguing their children. For this reason, Enough Is Enough℠ created Internet Safety 101℠ to educate, equip and empower parents and all caring adults with the knowledge and resources needed to protect children from cyberbullying and other online dangers.

Our Internet Safety 101℠ program devotes an entire segment in the DVD teaching series and workbook to the issue of cyberbullying. One of the wisest things you can do if you’re a parent, grandparent or guardian of children is to become equipped, educated and empowered through receiving your own personal copy of our multi-media Internet Safety 101℠ program. You can view a short clip from the cyberbullying segment of the DVD training by clicking here. The Internet Safety 101℠ DVD teaching series will provide you with the information you need to protect children through taking steps to prevent Internet-initiated crimes against children, all while participating in the training in the comfort of your own home.

Stand with us and tell cyberbullies Enough Is Enough℠!

Additional Resources:

• Cyberbullying Tip Sheet
• Rules ‘N Tools^SM Checklist
• Cyberbullying Tactics

And what acronym did we pick? Well, we picked SUMMER. Go figure!

Set clear expectations and establish an ongoing dialogue – Before the computer even gets turned on, you can make a positive impact on your child’s Internet safety. When parents talk regularly with their kids about the Internet, kids demonstrate fewer risky behaviors while online. Plan a time when you can have a conversation with your kids and discuss expectations for use of the computer this summer. Spend time with your child online and create an atmosphere of trust. Encourage your children to make good decisions, and temper your reactions when they run into danger.

To ensure you and your child understand the expectations, together review and sign the cyber safety youth pledge.

Understand the need for cyber safety  and implement Rules N’ Tools on all Internet enabled devices– It’s the beginning of summer, and implementing the tactics in this article is a great start to ensuring your child’s summer is not tainted by accidental pornography viewing, cyberbullying or predation.  However, sometimes it’s hard to make good intentions last all through the summer.  I’ve learned that if I am to follow through with my good intentions, I need to understand what makes my intentions all that good in the first place.

So here’s what I recommend: Go through the four part Internet Safety 101℠ DVD teaching series available from www.internetsafety101.org and the Rules N’ Tools℠ Booklet. Next, I would recommend printing out the Rules N’ Tools ℠ checklist and posting it in a place you will see it frequently, like on the refrigerator. Take five minutes each day to review the checklist.

As you review the four part Internet Safety 101℠ DVD teaching series and Rules N’ Tools℠ Booklet, you will be educated, equiped and empowered with the knowledge and resources needed to protect your children from the online dangers of pornography, sexual predators, cyberbullies and risks related to social networking, online gaming and mobile devices.

It’s also important to use filtering technology that blocks inappropriate web sites. You can even set up time limits on your computer that will restrict endless, all-day access. It’s important you understand how to use these features and why these features are important.

When we more fully understand a danger, we are more likely to implement and follow through with practices that will keep us and our children protected from that danger.

Make sure you’re friends with your child on social networking sites – Make sure you, as the parent, are added to your child’s “friends list,” because if their profiles are set to private – as they should be – you will not be able to view any of your child’s information. If you are unsure whether your child has an online profile, conduct a simple online search.

With the excitement of summer in the air, your kids will likely engage in many fun-filled summertime activities.  It’s likely that kids will bring cameras and cell phones to these events and then post pictures and videos from the events on social networking sites like Facebook and Myspace. If you’re not friends with your children on social networking sites, you may not be able to see these pictures or see what other things your children are posting online.

More importantly, you need to be friends with your kids online so you can see what other kids or adults post on your child’s social media profile or on YouTube.  Kids’ online and offline lives have merged, and it’s important you not only know your child’s friends in real life but are also aware of their digital relationships.

In a recent survey, teens who rated their relationship with their parent as positive were 20 percent less likely to seek online pornography than teens who rated their relationship with their parent as poor. Additionally, make sure your kids are spending quality face time with their friend and family members and engage in outdoor play.

If you do not understand the new ways the Internet is being used, you may be putting your child at risk. To gain a greater understanding of Web 2.0 and stay up to date on changes made to digital technologies visit: http://www.internetsafety101.org/web20.htm.

Review, research and monitor the sites your children view – When your child is off the computer, check the web history.  Take a look at some of the sites your children are visiting.  Many sites that contain pornography do not have explicit web addresses.  In fact, many porn sites are simple misspellings of sites your children regularly visit.  Do not just look at the web history, but make sure you explore the sites your children frequent. If you notice the history has been cleared or deleted, have a discussion with your child about the sites he or she visited. Be aware that kids can selectively delete files from the history list. If you are concerned about your child’s online activity, you may want to install monitoring software.

A fistfight between an impatient person and a porn-viewing patron at the Brooklyn Public Library has reignited an old debate regarding whether adults should have free and easy access to hardcore pornography, or illegal adult pornography, known under the law as obscenity, at their local public library.  A spokesperson for the library has explained that the library is complying with patrons’ First Amendment rights, and thus provides Internet access to pornography to adult patrons.

While libraries do not stock obscene videos of “Where the Girls Sweat” or “Fetish Fanatic 8″, patrons at the New York Public Library has easy access to this hardcore content through taxpayer-funded Internet access. Why? Because this particular library doesn’t understand the laws pertaining to this issue.

The library spokesperson stated: “We comply with CIPA (Children’s Internet Protection Act) and our policy forbids users to access materials that are legally defined as obscene, as child pornography, or, in the case of persons under 17, as harmful to minors. The library is committed to creating a positive experience for everyone, and we expect those who use the library to do so with respect to our policies and to others.”

As indicated by her statement, the Brooklyn library spokesperson has apparently confused both the definition of CIPA and the legal definitions of obscenity and child pornography covered by CIPA. Hence, the library’s feeble attempt to comply with CIPA has left adult and child library patrons unprotected.

At this point, three lessons are in order, which will hopefully benefit this particular library and others operating under the same misguided misunderstanding of these laws.

First, a history lesson: This is déjà vu for Enough Is Enough (EIE).  In the mid-nineties EIE realized that schools and libraries were not protecting students and library patrons from the deluge of obscenity and child pornography available online. As an early pioneer of Internet safety efforts since 1994, EIE sprang into action.  I personally prepared a briefing book, containing news stories and pictures of the types pornography available in both schools and libraries, for Senator John McCain, then head of the Senate Commerce Committee, and other Senators and asked: Should taxpayers pay for our schools and libraries to be pornography outlets?  Congress didn’t think so. The Children’s Internet Protection Act (CIPA) passed with overwhelming bipartisan support in both the House and Senate and was signed into law by President Clinton. The American Library Association (ALA), the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) and other groups immediately launched a legal challenge, questioning the constitutionality of the Children’s Internet Protection Act. Fortunately for the sake of children and families, with the leadership of EIE and other groups, the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of CIPA.  As a result, schools and libraries that implement CIPA as intended by Congress are better able to ensure the Internet is safely accessed.

Second, a CIPA law lesson: CIPA requires schools and libraries using federal “e-rate” subsidies to dedicate some of those funds to install software that filters out pornography. Specifically, child pornography, obscenity, and soft-core content, legally defined as “harmful to minors”, must be filtered for those aged 17 or under. For adult library users, both child pornography and online obscenity should be filtered, since neither of these is constitutionally protected under current federal statutes. There exists a common misconception that the only type of illegal pornography for adults is child pornography. Nothing could be further from the truth. In layman’s terms, the First Amendment does not protect obscenity for adults period, whether in the library, or anywhere else. Although CIPA was written to be idiot proof, common misunderstandings emerge from confusion over the legal definitions of pornography, specifically obscenity.

Hence, the third and final lesson:  Pornography Law 101: There are three types of pornography legally defined by the Supreme Court, and CIPA refers to all three:

1. Child pornography: Child pornography is material that visually depicts children under the age of 18 engaged in actual or simulated sexual activity, including lewd exhibition of the genitals.
2. Obscenity:  Obscenity is graphic material that focuses on sex and/or sexual violence. It includes close-ups of graphic sex acts, lewd exhibition of the genitals, and deviant activities such as group sex, bestiality, incest and excretory functions.  For clarification, obscenity is not to be confused with soft-core pornography, known under the law as harmful to minors/indecent content.
3. Harmful to Minors (HTM) material: Harmful to minors material represents nudity or sex that has prurient appeal for minors, is offensive and unsuitable for minors, and lacks serious value for minors. There are “harmful to minors” laws in every state

For libraries attempting to correctly implement CIPA, they must not confuse the laws above, which distinctly refer to different types of content (the legal definitions are provided in the above links). Obscenity is not protected under the First Amendment for children or adults, however, it is available in abundance, both online and offline. People often ask: If it’s illegal, why is it everywhere?  Simply put, obscenity laws have not been aggressively enforced, even though the U.S. Supreme Court has repeatedly upheld federal obscenity laws.

Additionally, individuals should not equate the widespread availability of illegal adult material with community acceptance of hardcore content. In October, 2009, a national poll by Harris Interactive found that 76% of individuals surveyed “totally disagreed” that viewing hardcore adult pornography on the Internet was morally acceptable.  Likewise, 74% “totally disagreed” that viewing hardcore adult pornography on the Internet was generally harmless entertainment.

The New York Public Library seems to have been shaped by the misguided (and radical) position of the ACLU, whom we successfully battled in the mid-nineties and early 2000s.  While they may be claiming to uphold CIPA in principle, they are failing to uphold CIPA in practice.  Several patrons have testified that they regularly witness individuals viewing hardcore content.  While computer terminals include privacy extensions, many individuals are not using these screens, and even when individuals do use the screens, patrons have complained they can still partake audibly in the hardcore content.  It is clear that the New York Public Library is not in full compliance of CIPA and, as a result, is not fulfilling its responsibility to protect children and adult library patrons.

As the overwhelming majority of Americans understand, the problem with pornography, as with many things, is that it affects more than those who just look at it.  For some individuals, pornography is progressively addictive in nature.  Research shows that pornography affects attitudes, values and behaviors, and pornography has been linked to sex crimes against women and children, innocent victims who did not view pornography.  A number of federal legal precedents have also found that pornography was used as a tool in sexual harassment, and the New York Library should do more to implement responsible policies to protect themselves and taxpayers from legal liability.

Four Action items:

1. EIE will send a complimentary copy of our Internet Safety 101SM program to any public library requesting our material on a first-come first-served basis.  You can contact us here.  The Internet Safety 101^SM program educates, equips and empoweres adults with the information and resources necessary to protect children from pornography, sexual predators, cyberbullies and other dangers associated with social networking, online gaming and mobile devices.  Additionally it includes clear definitions of pornography and its harm to children. The program is a strong resource both for library staff and patrons.
2. Get your own copy of the 101 program for yourself and/or your public library.
3. Join us in the War on Illegal Pornography to get our nation’s obscenity laws enforced.
4. Support our work with your financial gift. EIE remains on the cutting edge of Internet safety efforts nationally, but we need your help to continue to sound the alarm about the need to protect children from this content.

Abe Lincoln said it best, “What is morally wrong cannot be politically correct.”  Yet the exponential pornification of our culture is contributing both directly and indirectly to the epidemic of child sexual abuse, and unfortunately, certain segments of our government are turning a blind eye.

The U.S. spends trillions in military engagements overseas to prevent, protect and defend, and yet, research indicates that in our own country, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually victimized before adulthood (the majority are victimized by family members or someone whom they know and trust). Illegal adult pornography (i.e. obscenity) remains unprosecuted, and every child with unrestricted Internet access is just one click away from viewing this material.  In a recent study, 53% of boys and 28% of girls, ages 12-15, reported using hard-core, adult illegal pornography.  Additionally, law enforcement is grossly underfunded to prosecute predators, and the $3 billion child pornography industry remains one of the fastest growing businesses online.  Over 200,000 rape kits remain unprocessed, and over 100,000 registered sex offenders are “lost in the system”, allowing rapists and child molesters to repeatedly abuse and expand their wake of exploitation.

A new movie called “Trust”, Directed by David Schwimmer, should serve as a wakeup call to our nation to open its eyes to the very real problem of child sexual abuse in this country.  “Trust” documents the raw physical, social and emotional toll on 14-year-old Annie Cameron (Liana Liberato) as she is groomed online and later victimized during an offline meeting with “Charlie”, whom she initially believes to be a 16-year-old boy.

Although the majority of child sexual abuse does not occur online, through the Internet, sexual predators have easy and anonymous access to our children and free and easy access to a la carte child pornography, depicting the sexual abuse of kids of all shapes, sizes, ethnicities and ages, even toddlers and infants, which only fuels the sexual appetite of pedophiles and predators to exploit kids in the virtual and physical world.

Additionally, kids themselves are engaging in risky behaviors and perpetuating the cycle of child sexual abuse. Last year the CDC found that youth who looked at violent x-rated material are six times more likely to report forcing someone to do something sexually online or in-person.  And in a hyper-sexualized world, it should be no surprise that kids are feeling pressured to post and send provocative pictures and videos (“sext” messages), and to engage in sexual acts that they are often not emotionally, physically or psychologically ready to handle.

Like so many of the parents we work with at Enough Is Enough, in “Trust”, Annie’s caring parents (played by Clive Owen and Catherine Keener) are unaware of the dangers of those who exploit the Internet to harm children.  Their strong parenting skills in the physical world have not translated to the online world. With their alarm system on, and the doors locked, they believe their children are safe at home and are therefore devastated when they find out that the “Charlie” their daughter has been communicating with for months via the Internet and her mobile device is actually a 30-something sexual predator.  Annie’s parents are even more distressed when Annie defends “Charlie” and blames her parents for chasing him away.  This is a story we know all too well, as research shows that in the predominant Internet-initiated child sexual abuse case, the victims meet their perpetrator willingly and often multiple times for sexual encounters.

Protecting our children online and offline should be at the top of our list of national priorities.  Implementing preventative education programs and safety measures should be as automatic to every parent, guardian and educator as using a car safety seat. Unfortunately, since parents are often overwhelmed, ill-informed or ill-equipped about the nature of online dangers and the safety resources available, it often takes a tragedy to wake up a family or a community. What will it take to wake up a nation?

When foreign terrorists attacked the World Trade Center, our nation sprang to action. We declared a war on terrorism.  In the face of economic and environmental devastation in the Gulf, our nation engaged financially, and through creative entrepreneurialism and with volunteers from across the country.  In the face of the immoral and unjust tyranny in Libya, we joined with an International Coalition to try to prevent additional devastation.

Just as threatening to our homeland security is the victimization our children face everyday when unscrupulous pornographers and predators prey on their innocence. Aren’t our children our most precious and valuable national resource and the future of our nation?  Aren’t our own children worth fighting for? Isn’t protecting their innocence as important as engaging in freedom efforts abroad?  The US Supreme Court has said that Congress has a compelling interest to protect our children, so why aren’t we fighting to preserve our children’s innocence with the vigor and dollars we use to fight oppression, environmental havoc and terrorist threats?

It’s morally wrong not to do so. It’s time for our nation to wake up and say No more! Enough Is Enough!

______

Donna Rice Hughes is President of Enough Is Enough (EIE), a non-partisan, 501(c)(3) non-profit organization, which emerged in 1994 as the national pioneer on the front lines of efforts to make the Internet safer for children and families. She is the Executive Producer and lead instructor of the Internet Safety 101^SM DVD teaching series, which educates, equips and empowers parents, educators and other caring adults to keep kids safe online.  You can find our more about this program at www.internetsafety101.org or order the program for yourself here.

Jane Silk, David Schwimmer, Donna Rice Hughes and Hemanshu Nigam at the DC Advanced Screening of Trust. Photo courtesy of Bill Guthrie, www.bguthriephotos.com.

If you’re like me, you know David Schwimmer best for his role as the lovable paleontologist Ross in the hit NBC sitcom “Friends”.  Suffice it to say, I was a bit surprised when we were approached about a new film, Directed by Schwimmer called “Trust”.  The film is no comedy.  Instead,  “Trust” documents the raw social and emotional toll on 14-year-old Annie Cameron (Liana Liberato) as she is groomed and victimized by Charlie, whom she initially believes to be a 16-year-old boy.

Like many of the parents we work with at Enough Is Enough (EIE), Annie’s parents, Will and Lynn Cameron (played by Clive Owen and Catherine Keener), find comfort in the fact that they have raised their children to be thoughtful and responsible—their kids are “good kids”.  With their alarm system on and their doors locked, the Camerons believe their children are safe.  As a result, Annie’s parents are shocked and devastated when they learn their daughter has been manipulated by an online predator.

Schwimmer has been developing the story for years, inspired by his work with the Rape Foundation in Santa Monica, California, where he serves as a Board Member.  At one of the Foundation’s meetings, a father from the community shared his personal process of coming to terms with his daughter being groomed, and subsequently raped, by an Internet predator.  The father described his conflicting feelings of guilt, rage, impotence and responsibility for the abuse his daughter suffered, emotions that Clive Owen expertly and painfully brings to the screen in “Trust”.  As Schwimmer talked with families of victims and FBI agents who investigate Internet-initiated child sexual abuse, he learned that the men preying on children can be husbands and fathers themselves.  We often educate our audiences that you cannot recognize a disguised predator; often these individuals are trusted members of society: white, affluent, middle-aged men whose profession places them in easy contact with youth, and in our Internet Safety 101SM DVD teaching series, EIE President Donna Rice Hughes interviewed a convicted sex offender, “John Doe”, in a high security prison, who was a well-liked, personable, award-winning school teacher, trusted by his community until he was convicted of multiple counts of Internet-initiated child sex abuse.

The film is rated R, and includes brief nudity, course language and mature themes, and I would strongly caution parents to view the movie themselves before allowing their teen to do so.  The film does paint a realistic picture of the nature of online grooming, a process by which an online predator gradually forms an online relationship with a teen, preying on a teen’s desire for romance, adventure and sexual information.  Online predators are incredibly savvy—they will flatter, compliment and affirm a teen excessively, developing an online relationship that is romantic, controlling and upon which a teen becomes dependant.

As Trust’s key Internet safety partner, we hosted an advanced of the film screening with Millennium Pictures in the DC-metro area.  Following the film, EIE President Donna Rice Hughes joined David Schwimmer and Internet safety expert and Founder of SSP Blue, Hemanshu Nigam on stage to lead a panel about the film and to help parents understand what they can do to protect their children from these and other threats.  David and Donna stressed the fact that research indicates that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before adulthood, and that sadly, 30-40% of these victims are abused by family members, and 50% are abused by someone outside the family whom they know and trust.  Internet-initiated child sexual abuse is just one small piece of the child sexual abuse picture.   Donna also highlighted that the film illuminates the predominant Internet-initiated sex crime scenario.  Research shows, that in the majority of Internet-initiated sex crimes that have resulted in arrests, the teens have been so groomed that they actually willingly meet up with their perpetrator, often multiple times for a sexual encounter.  As you will see in “Trust”, Annie quickly becomes enraptured by Charlie, even as she learns that he is not who he claims to be.

Our hope is that as parents, educators, grandparents and other caring adults see the film, their eyes will be opened to the reality of the vulnerability of youth to the potential risk of grooming. While we recognize that parents may feel overwhelmed or ill-equipped to protect their children online, our Internet Safety 101 program, which includes real-life stories from law enforcement, a survivor of a sexual predator and even a convicted sex offender (you can view the videos on our site here), can help.

No child is immune to online dangers.  Parents must be active participants in their kids’ online lives.  We also are encouraging parents who view the film to recognize the warning signs, have conversations with their children, and build an atmosphere of trust with their kids regarding Internet use. The Internet is a wonderful tool that can be used for good or evil.  By becoming educated, equipped and empowered and implement Rules ‘N Tools® on all Internet-enabled devices, parents can ensure that their children can enjoy a safe and rewarding experience online, free from online dangers.  The film will be released in theaters April 1.

Note: portions of this post were also featured on Covenant Eyes HERE.

MTV’s most recent attention grabber has been the drama Skins. The Parent’s Television Council (PTC) calls Skins “the most dangerous program that has ever been foisted onto our children.”  The show’s portrayal of foul language, illegal drug use, and thoroughly inappropriate sexual content has caused many sponsors and advertisers to back out. Fox News reports that the show could lose MTV up to $2 million per episode. The PTC has been fighting on the front lines in the attack on the MTV drama pointing out that the show’s actors are under the age of 18 and are being filmed in situations that are comparable to child pornography. In response to pressure for a federal investigation on the program MTV Spokeswoman Jeannie Kedas says, “Skins is a show that addresses real-world issues confronting teens in a frank way. We review all of our shows and work with all of our producers on an ongoing basis to ensure our shows comply with laws and community standards. We are confident that the episodes of Skins will not only comply with all applicable legal requirements, but also with our responsibilities to our viewers.” MTV plans to air the remaining episodes of Skins this season.

Despite all this deleterious content, MTV is actually getting a few things right. Not just right…really right. Between their A THIN LINE campaign, and the announcement of their original movie based on the tragic story of Abraham Biggs and his struggles with cyberbullying, MTV is doing their part to take a stand and empower teens to stand strong in the fight for Internet safety.

MTV’s A THIN LINE campaign is designed to empower teenagers to draw a line between digital use and digital abuse, understanding “that there’s a ‘thin line’ between what may begin as a harmless joke and something that could end up having a serious impact on you or someone else.” Their mission addresses several pertinent issues plaguing youth today including sexting, textual harassment, and cyberbullying, helping to empower kids to “identify, respond to, and stop the spread of digital abuse in your life and amongst your peers.”

The campaign’s website is an interactive sight geared towards teens, which includes: a quiz asking questions about real life situations on topics ranging from sexting, to cyberbullying, digital disrespect, and online cruelty; a Get The Facts sections which touches on sexting, constant messaging, spying, digital disrespect, and cruelty and focuses on what could happen and where to draw the line in each situation; a Take Control section where teens are empowered to take a stand by supporting friends, calling out for help, and/or sharing their stories; and a Your Stories section where real stories are posted and a Q&A section is featured. Finally, the most important part of the A THIN LINE campaign is the Draw Your Line section of the site where MTV spotlights actions taken by teens and their friends to stop digital abuse.

A THIN LINE has been using PSAs and A-List celebrities like teen sensation Justin Bieber to draw teens far and wide to the campaign.

MTV’s other Internet Safety initiative (also a part of the A THIN LINE campaign) is their upcoming original movie based on the tragic, true-life story of Andrew Biggs and his struggles with cyberbullying. MTV announced the upcoming film at the White House Conference on Bullying Prevention this past week.

Abraham’s mother, Doreen Biggs said, “We’re happy MTV is sharing Abraham’s story with the world. We hope that young people realize just how powerful the internet can be, and that this film drives them to take action to put an end to cyberbullying so no family ever has to go through something like this again.”

The A THIN LINE campaign and the upcoming Andrew Biggs movie serve as important resources for youth struggling in a digital world where cyberbullying and digital abuse are far too pervasive. At Enough Is Enough, we believe that parents are the first line of defense. As a parent or other caring adult, it is critical to engage your children about cyberbullying. Visit the A THIN LINE campaign website and develop an action plan together regarding what your child should do if they encounter online abuse.

For more information on cyberbullying, visit our site (www.internetsafety101.org). We also hope you will make use of the following resources to ensure a safe online environment for our kids:

• Rules N’ Tools
• Parent Pledge
• Youth Pledge
• Age-Based Guidelines
• Additional Resources

In addition to MTV’s resources, we developed a cyberbullying Video Vignette as part of our multi-media Internet Safety 101 program that can be used as a great discussion starter for your families, which you can watch here.

Sources:

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2011/02/21/skins-continues-ratings-decline-went-wriong-heavily-hyped/

http://www.athinline.org/

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1659632/president-obama-abraham-biggs.jhtml

www.internetsafety101.org

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/20/business/media/20mtv.html

http://www.parentstv.org/

Last fall, Trinity Christian School of Fairfax, Virginia, held a very successful training program that attracted more than 150 parents.  For a school with a Middle and Upper school student population of approximately 400, and an entirely voluntary event, this represents a sizeable portion of the parent community.  Inquiries and follow-up conversations among parents since the program occurred indicate that parents who were not able to attend are attempting to get the program and conversations about the topic are happening within the parent community.  The goal of increasing parental attention on the issue of Internet Safety has been achieved.

There are only two simple keys to unlocking a great event: engaging the school or organization’s leadership and using their communications tools to announce and market the training event; and, building a team that will promote the event through individual invitation and word of mouth marketing.

Engaging the school or organization’s leadership

1. Start talking with your school’s principal or headmaster early and educate them on the risks to students of inappropriate Internet and social networking.  Purchase and provide them with a copy of the Internet Safety 101 (IS101) materials so that they can review them.
2. Raise the issue as both a community need and a risk management issue.  Principals, community leaders, and organization officials all understand the need to protect the children in their care and their school or organization from lawsuits, negative publicity, and damage to their reputation.  Newspaper and media reports of Internet bullying, improper social networking between students and teachers, and sexual exploitation by predators appear regularly and preventive training can help schools and organizations manage these risks and better protect their children.
3. Inquire of the organization or school leadership whether their insurance carrier will provide better coverage or lower rates as a result of such training.  The material in the IS101 curriculum can serve as part of an effort to address sexual harassment training needs.  In some cases, insurance carriers will provide only limited coverage until proof that staff or faculty have been trained on sexual harassment and proper use of electronic communications technology.
4. Work with the school or organization’s leadership to schedule a training event in the same manner as any other major parent event.  There should be no other competing activity on the organization or school calendar and sufficient time should be allotted for substantial training at the event.  A two-hour program communicates the seriousness of the issue and makes it possible for those attending to get a substantial amount of information.
5. In the event at the Fairfax school, the event was posted on the School’s activity calendar.  The School also emailed all middle and upper school parents and posted information about the event shortly after it was scheduled.
6. Make live appeals at school or organization sponsored events.  The lead parent responsible for overseeing the event appeared at two back to school nights and made a presentation to all of the middle and upper school parents, setting out the date and speaking briefly about the need for such training.  In addition, the School’s Headmaster also spoke to affirm the School’s view that the opportunity was a key to protecting the entire student body.
7. The School sent a final email the day before the event reminding all parents about the training opportunity.

Build word of mouth marketing.

1. One week prior to the parent training, an in-service training program on Internet safety was given to all faculty and staff at the school.  As several faculty members are also parents of students at the school, additional word of mouth advertising from those faculty members was generated.  The same result may be achieved by providing each faculty member with a “Rules and Tools” Booklet, which is part of the IS101 curriculum for their review a week or more prior to the parent training.
2. The lead parent wrote a personal letter two days before the event and emailed it to all families in those grades where they had students.
3. As you can see, capturing the attention of parents on such a important issue is possible once the leadership of the entity has been fully engaged.  Likewise, as with most events, personal recommendations or encouragement work to communicate the importance of the event in ways that even official communications will not.  By investing time to reach all of the parents whose children attend the school, Trinity Christian School was able to energize and equip a sizable portion of the school community and lay the groundwork for a continued focus on Internet safety.

Editor’s note: Please check out our “How to Use the Internet Safety 101 Program Guide” with more information to help you or contact us if you would like to become an Internet Safety 101 Program facilitator.

Every week, a new case emerges of a lawyer, doctor, clergyman, teacher or other “outstanding” citizen who has secretly been engaging in outrageous and horrific acts of child sexual abuse.  In the vast majority of these cases, the individual has had easy and anonymous access to a smorgasbord of child sexual abuse images (child pornography) through the Internet, images and videos depicting abused children ranging in age from infants to teens. This material merely whets the appetite and fuels the desire to act out sexually against an actual child.

More often than not, the abuse could have been prevented if parents, educators, clinicians and institutions were educated and empowered with prevention information.   The common perception of an “Internet predator”, “pedophile”, or “child pornographer” is that of a shadowy, unkempt, jobless, scary-looking man in a trench coat, sulking on the outskirts of a school playground.  Nothing could be further from the truth. Instead, they dwell among us, hidden in plain sight: it is very difficult to recognize a disguised predator or a pedophile.  FBI statistics have demonstrated that these individuals usually blend well into society, are usually clean-cut and outwardly law abiding, appear trusting to both parents and children and can often rise to be a pillar of society while actively pursuing children.  These people do not look like your worst nightmare, but they are.

In filming our Internet Safety 101^SM DVD series, I interviewed a convicted sex offender serving a 45-year sentence in a high-security prison.  “John Doe”, as we refer to him in our film, had been a well-respected award-winning teacher in his community.  Parents loved and trusted him with their children.  He had a solid family life and a wife who loved him.  But, after getting bored with adult pornography online, “John” came across child pornography, (child pornography is cross-marketed with adult porn online), leading him down a rabbit hole of into criminal behavior.  He began to communicate with youth in online chatrooms, pretending to be whoever he thought the youth wanted him to be.

“In a period of a day in a three-hour period of time that I spent online I would probably talk to 25 children.  When I would have initial contact with any individual, it would be my goal to find out what type of person it is that they were looking to speak to. So if it was a 13 or 14-year-old boy who was interested in speaking to a 13 or 14-year-old female, then I would be that female. There are millions of pictures online that you can download and send as far as this is who I am.” –“John Doe”

In 2005, this honored community member was charged with 24 counts of child abuse and exploitation involving 20 boys.

Parents, educators and all concerned adults have the responsibility of protecting children from both on- and offline abuse.  We strongly recommend that every institution, faith-based organization, and every parent go through comprehensive child abuse prevention training.  Our Internet Safety 101^SM program educates, equips and empowers adults to protect their children from online abuses.  Other groups like Darkness2Light have wonderful programs focused on preventing offline child sexual abuse.

Some simple steps from our site and also from our friends at Darkness2Light include:

• Minimize the opportunity for abuse by eliminating or reducing one-adult/one-child situations.   Organizations that your child is a part of should have a policy about this and should train their staff and volunteers to recognize and react to child sexual abuse.
• Meet the adults in contact with your children!  Even if you have heard good things about them—abusers are incredibly manipulative and are often times well-respected members of the community.  They will become friendly with your family and try to earn your trust.
• Research indicates that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually victimized before adulthood; sadly, 30-40% of these victims are abused by a family member and 50% are abused by someone outside the family whom they know and trust.  Although the majority of this child sexual abuse does not occur online, in the Internet age, offline sex abuse is fueled by pedophiles’ unprecedented access to child pornography and exacerbated as perpetrators post pictures online of their exploits.
• Talk with your child when they return from spending time with any adult—pay attention to your child’s mood and note whether the child can tell you with confidence how the time was spent.
• If you do allow your child to spend along time with an adult, drop by unexpectedly—this applies even to trusted family members.
• Talk to your child about sex and their bodies.    Ask specific questions and understand how children communicate.  If they do tell you anything alarming or even joke about something inappropriate, do not overreact and take them seriously.  (More information on communicating with your children here.)
• Monitor your children’s online and mobile interactions—know whom they communicate with, and install filtering and monitoring software on your computers, gaming and mobile devices (See our list of monitoring and filtering software).
• Be aware of warning signs of Internet grooming. (Read more about grooming here)
• If you child confides in you about inappropriate behavior (verbal or physical), believe your child. Abused children rarely lie and are often blackmailed or groomed into silence.
• If you suspect your child has been abused call the Cybertipline immediately at 1-800-843-5678.

Our children’s innocence is worth fighting for!  It’s all about Prevention and we are here to help.  Together, we can make a difference!

This month’s New York Magazine included several articles under the banner “Drowning in Porn”, examining, in part, the impact the web-porn “tsunami” is having on the pornography industry, adults and children.

As the series explains, the Internet served as “a distribution chute liberating [pornography] from the trench-coat ghetto of brown paper wrappers and seedy adult bookstores, an E-Z Pass to a vast untapped bedroom audience.”  What many of the early pornographers failed to foresee, however, was that the Internet would not only provide new avenues to distribute pay-to-watch content, but that the Internet would lead to an explosion of cyber-porn vendors, user-generated and amateur porn, and free porn sites.  As one pornography industry executive noted, “ten years ago, total daily adult-site traffic averaged less than 1 million unique visitors—on the entire Internet.  Today, [one of the popular user-generated sites] alone gets 42 million unique viewers daily.”

This explosion of users and pornography sites has challenged the profit-making model of most mainstream pornographers, and as author Gail Dines explains in her most recent book “Pornland”, “to differentiate their products in a glutted market, producers have created niche products—like teen sex, torture porn and gonzo—in order to entice a generation of desensitized users… images today have become so extreme that what used to be considered hard-core is now mainstream pornography and acts that are now commonplace in much of online pornography were almost nonexistent a decade ago.”

Of course children today have free and easy access to this content. As one 16 year-old shared in the New York Magazine, “you can learn a lot of things about sex.  You don’t have to use, like, your parents sitting down with you and telling you.  The Internet’s where kids learn it from.”  And while there are many helpful and age-appropriate sex education sites online, for many of our children today, pornography is serving as their sexual mis-education.  A quick look at some of the categories offered by one of the top pornography sites today offers viewers bondage, cumshots, fisting, teen, orgy, shemale, hardcore and triple penetration.  As the girls explained to the New York Magazine, they feel as though pornography has made boys more “inappropriate and perverted”.  When the guys in their class see something on the Internet “they want their girlfriends to do it”, and they believe that the “guys wouldn’t really know about that much stuff if it weren’t for the Internet.”

In our Internet Safety 101^SM DVD, many of the teenagers we interviewed expressed that they were having great difficulty bridging the gap between the porn-experience and their real-world sexual experience.  As Justin shared with us, “girls in real life don’t act like the girls in porno”, and “when you get with them, and they don’t act like [porn stars] it makes you feel kind of unmanly… it’s disappointing”.  An all-American teenage girl named Courtney shared “we would watch it together…and then the guys did expect me to act out like that”. (You can see some of this testimony in our “Harms” video on our YouTube channel.)

The New York Magazine series also looked at pornography’s impact on men, highlighting the increasing sense that extensive pornography use may be inhibiting men’s ability to connect sexually with real human beings.  As one lawyer shares, “I used to race home to have sex with my wife, but now, I leave work a half-hour early so I can get home before she does and masturbate to porn.”  As musician John Mayer explained, “you wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora’s box of visuals… there have been days when I saw 300 vaginas before I got out of bed.” And, as a mom we interviewed for our Internet Safety 101^SM film shared, she and her husband discovered that in just one night of browsing, their son had visited over 800 pornography sites.

That’s a lot for any adult, needless to say any child, to process. While there is much debate on whether or not pornography is “addictive”, in our line of work, we have heard story after story of kids (and parents) exhibiting addictive patterns of behaviors with online pornography.  Scientists do tend to agree that during an orgasm, a dopamine-oxytocin combination is released in the brain, which behavioral therapist Andrea Kusewski calls “a biochemical love potion”.  As Kusewski explain in the New York Magazine, “it’s the reason after having sex with someone, you’re probably more inclined to form an emotional attachment.  But you don’t have to actually have sex in order to get those neurotransmitters firing.  When you watch porn, you’re bonding with it, and those chemicals make you want to keep coming back to have that feeling, which allows you to not only get off on porn, but to potentially develop a neurological attachment to it.”

I don’t know about you, but I am deeply concerned about the sexual health and wellbeing of our children today.  We are beginning to see the impact on the first generation that grew up with a steady diet of Internet pornography, and for most users, they have been far more likely to engage in risky behaviors, have multiple sexual partners, abuse drugs and cheat on their spouse.  These aren’t things that I want for my children.  In our pornified culture, if parents are not vigilant, it’s highly likely their children’s first sexual experience will occur in the glow of computer screen, devoid of healthy, age-appropriate guidance and true human interaction.  We developed our Internet Safety 101^SM program to educate and empower parents to protect their children from online pornography and other dangers—to guide them towards the Internet Safety Rules ‘N Tools® they need to use to keep their children from online harm.  I hope you will consider joining our efforts to protect children online by spreading the word about our program and our prevention efforts.