To better arm parents with some ways to get control once again in the household, I’m offering the following tips. Of course every child is different and I’m not recommending you use all of these, but I’m sure you’ll find something here you can apply.

1) Charging Stations

Whether it be a tablet or phone, make sure your child doesn’t assume that charging the device is better done in their room at night when they go to bed.  If you want to see bleary eyed kids come downstairs for breakfast in the morning, let them take their communications to the bedroom. There are two obvious reasons not to allow this. The first, is just the practical side that if you’re viewing the internet and chatting with your friends at all hours of the night (and they will, if they take it to bed), they will suffer in school. The second is that late at night, people (adults too) with their defenses down, tend to do some irreperable harm when talking while tired.  Simple solution – make them charge it in the kitchen or living room.

2) Check their Apps

Once thing the various app stores don’t really monitor is age appropriate and negative consequence tools that can be downloaded on your phone or tablet. There are plenty of apps that are inappropriate for your child. One to particularly look for is SnapChat. It’s one of those apps that looks harmless from the outside, but when you realize that it’s wholly designed to share photos and immediately erase them from view – you have to ask the question – “what’s the purpose of this?” The answer? Nothing good.  I told my son it’s like MTV. If I ask you what you’re watching and you say “some show on MTV” I’m going to tell you to change the channel. It doesn’t matter what show.  Why? Because I know that nothing socially redeeming has EVER been produced by MTV. That’s not their purpose. Neither is that the purpose of SnapChat. If you find it on your son’s or daughter’s phone, delete it or like me, tell them if you see it appear again they’ll lose their phone.

One solution that will take the day to day burden off of parents is to use Norton’s great new line of mobile family safety filters and tools which you can find here.

While this column mainly skirts the issues of safety and oversight for parents – the Enough is Enough Internet Safety 101 site has a great full-bodied checklist of many of the tools and procedures you can use as a parent. You can find that list here.

3) Set an Example

When we’re sitting in the living room at night as a family, I can’t possibly tell my child to stop ignoring the family by texting all night, if we’re doing the same thing. I look around the room some evenings and it’s amazing how we can all be in the same room but virtually somewhere else. I found that I was just as bad as my kids. When I took my phone and/or tablet to the other room and left it there – that gave me license to tell my kids to do the same. By the way, the same goes for texting and driving and that’s another topic for another day.

One of the best way to set an example for the whole family is to employ an open dialogue of your expectations. You certainly can’t get your family to abide by rules that are “assumed” but not stated. We parents are very good at expecting our children to abide by standards we rarely exhibit or express ourselves.

4) Get their Passwords

If I’m paying for the phone and/or the phone service (don’t let them get away with saying it’s their phone because they bought the device but don’t pay the monthly bill) then it’s my right to occasionally check out what’s going on with the phone. To do this I need their password and my kids know that they have to give it to me to use one. It’s amazing what you can learn about your kids and more importantly their friends, when you check out the texting history. I’m not saying you do it every night, but do it every once in a while and find a way to talk to them about their behavior (or their friend’s) without specifically going line by line through the phone. If anything, it’s a good way to determine how deep they are into bad conversations and whether they are leading or being led by a stream of inappropriate talk. If, by the way, your child is not involved in anything untoward, it will also help you sleep better. 

Mark Gilman is a married father of five, from 29-12 and a member of the Enough Is Enough Advisory Council. He also owns a marketing and communications company based in the Detroit area (www.decusstrategy.com). He can be reached at mark@decusllc.com.

A decade into the 21st century, it’s impossible to overestimate just how important computer

skills will be to our children and grandchildren throughout their lifetimes. Consider the fact

that people born when the first personal computer was released in 1978 are already in their

early 30s, many with children of their own. Computers are an integral part of our education,

our work, and our leisure, so much so that the research firm NPD Group estimates that 97

percent of American households own a computer—a level of ownership that rivals

televisions and stereos.

The importance of personal computers was underscored for me when, while writing this

book, I spent a day in the reading room of the Widener Library at Harvard University. The

long wooden tables were filled with undergraduates, graduate students, and researchers, and

nearly all of them had laptop computers open on the table in front of them. Assuming an

average value of $1,000 per computer (the numerous Macs in the room bumped up the

average a bit), those library tables were covered with at least $100,000 in portable computing

equipment. As a society, we’ve invested a staggering amount of money in hardware and

software, and it would be unrealistic to think that kids can succeed in school and in the

workplace without at least some familiarity with and exposure to this technology.

For parents, however, there’s a tension between the obvious benefits of computer

ownership—homework, research, entertainment, socialization—and the distractions and

dangers that come with it. Thanks to the development of the World Wide Web in the mid-

1990s, every computer is now a portal to an infinite array of information, entertainment, and

enticements, not all of which are salutary.

As we’ll see throughout this book, many kids need nothing more than a keyboard and an

Internet connection to get themselves into a world of electronic trouble. Computer hacking,

for instance, has a long, albeit disreputable history, and enterprising teens have often been at

the forefront of the mischief. But even less computer-savvy teens now have at their

fingertips all the tools they need to violate a host of laws. With any type of Internetconnected

device—laptop, mobile phone, gaming console—children can harass or bully

other children, libel their teachers, commit fraud on eBay, violate U.S. copyright laws, or

commit a felony by downloading or distributing obscene materials. Given the prevalence of

computer web cams—either clip-ons for desktops or pre-installed in laptops—kids have the

ability to broadcast themselves and others from the privacy of their bedrooms to a global

audience, and that behavior has the potential to violate any number of federal and state laws.

We don’t normally think of desktop or laptop computers as phones, but thanks to web cams

and online conferencing software like Skype, they certainly can be used that way. Actually,

the line between computers and handheld devices is blurring in both directions. Kids can use

computers like phones (albeit bulky ones) through the use of software like Skype and

Google Talk, while mobile smartphones allow them to perform a number of computing

functions—e-mail, Web browsing, photo sharing—on the go.

In fact, it is only a matter of time before such handheld devices match traditional computers

in both power and convenience. A vision of that future could be seen in April 2010, when

Apple announced the release of its tablet computer, the iPad. There have been numerous

previous attempts at creating and marketing a tablet computer, but with its inimitable

attention to detail, design aesthetic, and sheer coolness, Apple succeeded where so many

others have failed. During the 2010 holiday season, online retailers and tech journalists

reported that the iPad was squarely at the top of the teen wish list, despite its impressive

price tag.

Right now, the iPad is an imperfect bridge between laptops and the iPhone. Out of the box,

it lacks a physical keyboard, has no camera, and has relatively limited onboard storage. Both

Apple and various third-party vendors, however, sell keyboards that dock onto the iPad;

future versions of the iPad are likely to include both a rear- and front-facing camera (for

“Face Time” chat, among other uses), along with more memory and faster processors.

The iPad’s enormous success—more than 25 million sold in fiscal year 2010, with another

32 million projected for FY 2011—has attracted numerous competitors, including the

Samsung Galaxy Tab, the HP Slate 500, the Dell Streak, and the Motorola Xoom. How

those tablets will fare in the marketplace remains to be seen, particularly with Apple’s iPad 2

waiting in the wings, but one thing is clear: computing’s own Olympic motto—smaller,

faster, cheaper—will continue to drive developments in the tech world.

With relatively few exceptions, these new electronic devices and the ones that inevitably

follow will offer more options, more capabilities, and more ways for kids to get into trouble.

And kids will continue to love them. This book aims to level the playing field a bit, to give

parents and teachers a solid introduction to the ways in which kids can accidentally or

intentionally misuse electronic gadgets. I’ll begin with a general overview of the

communication revolution, describe the potentially life-altering cybertraps that can snare

kids, and then offer some suggestions on how to protect your child.

Many industries have legitimate reasons to bemoan the rise of digital technology, and photo

processors are near the front of that line. Not so long ago, it seemed as if every shopping

mall was equipped with a drive-up Fotomat kiosk offering one-day film processing. But

Fotomat didn’t survive the rise of one-hour developers in malls and box stores; in turn,

those one-hour shops have largely been replaced by drug-store kiosks—or even inexpensive

home printers—that can produce prints directly from CDs, USB sticks, or memory chips.

The culprit for all this retail change is the digital camera, a device that first became

commercially available only about twenty years ago. As prices have steadily fallen into the

low double digits, digital cameras have become ubiquitous—106 million were shipped in

2009 alone, and that figure was actually down about 12 percent from the 119 million units

sold the previous year (a drop attributed in large part to the growing popularity of mobile

phones equipped with cameras). The attractions of digital cameras are obvious: the ability to

see photos as soon as they’re taken, limited costs for film development, and software that

makes it easy to save images to a computer, digitally manipulate them, and instantly

distribute them via e-mail, a blog, a website, or a social network.

As the Amazon.com catalog illustrates, digital cameras are often the first electronic devices

to be put into small hands. There are a number of benefits to doing so: photography can be

a terrifically rewarding hobby, and, by eliminating the costs of film and film processing,

digital cameras have helped thousands of children discover a new artistic medium, a new way

of looking at the world around them. It’s the very simplicity and ease of digital cameras,

however, that have turned them into increasingly insidious cybertraps. To paraphrase the old

saying: just because a photograph can be taken doesn’t mean it should be taken.

As kids get older and start exploring their sexuality, they all too often employ digital cameras

or mobile-phone cameras as part of that exploration. Few fully understand, however, that

taking nude or semi-nude photographs or video of someone under the age of eighteen (even

a self-portrait) can have serious, even life-altering, consequences. As I’ll discuss in more

detail in Chapter 11, children who have circulated these types of photographs have been

subjected to cyberharassment and cyberbullying laws, have been suspended and/or expelled

from school, have been prosecuted under state and federal law for producing and

distributing child pornography, and, in a few extreme cases, have committed suicide.

To make matters worse, digital cameras are steadily shrinking in size, making it dangerously

easy to take photos or video of someone without their knowledge or consent. In fact, there

are entire websites devoted to illicit candids conspicuously labeled as “upskirt” or

“downblouse.”

Even if the subject of a photo is aware he or she is being photographed, the speed and

simplicity of digital technology reduces inhibitions and makes it less likely that either the

photographer or the subject will consider issues like privacy or propriety. And the younger

the kids on either side of the camera, the less likely it is they’ll think about the long-term

consequences of what they’re doing. After all, there’s no longer any risk for your child that

he or she will feel embarrassed when you pick up that packet of racy photos at the

developer; there’s the illusion that what’s taken with the camera will stay in the camera.

But that sense of privacy truly is an illusion. The whole point of a digital camera, after all, is

that the images can easily be transferred to a computer, thus freeing them for distribution to

the rest of the world. More recent digital cameras skip the transfer process altogether—

they’re equipped with wireless transmitters that allow photographs to be sent directly to email

or social networking sites. In fact, there’s even a memory card, the Eye-Fi, that will

enable older digital cameras to transmit photos wirelessly. Not to mention that any

smartphone equipped with a camera (and most are) is specifically designed to transmit

photos in a variety of ways—as e-mail attachments, as MMS messages, or as direct uploads

to any of hundreds of websites and social networking services.

It would be difficult to imagine someone less likely to be a video game fan than my

grandfather, a serious and well-respected real estate lawyer who spent more than fifty years

at the forefront of his legal specialty. I remember debating him when I was in law school

about the merits of computer-aided legal research, a development he disdained. But even

Grum could feel the lure of electronic gadgetry: in 1975, he was one of the early purchasers

of Pong, Atari Inc.’s groundbreaking video paddle game. I was ecstatic: I’d never seen

anything like it, and happily spent hours playing the game on my uncle’s ancient, black-andwhite

TV.

Regardless of how long I played Pong, my parents had little reason to worry about what I

was doing—the Pong console played Pong and only Pong. But video game consoles have

gone through a few changes since then. Today, the capabilities of those consoles rival or

exceed the capabilities of most desktop and laptop computers (in fact, law enforcement

agencies use the latest game consoles to help crack passwords). Recent models have

incorporated Blu-Ray disc players, motion-sensing and wireless controllers, and high-end

video processors for increasingly lifelike and immersive game-playing experiences (which

helps explain why 10 percent of teens log more than twenty hours a week playing video

games).

In part because of those new features, the devices are incredibly popular with children (and,

no doubt, with their parents as well). In early 2010, the Pew Internet and American Life

Project reported that 81 percent of children between the ages of twelve and seventeen own

at least one gaming console, while 51 percent own a portable gaming device—a figure that’s

almost certainly risen over the past year, thanks to the popularity of game-capable devices

like the iPhone and other late-generation smartphones. The combined sale of video game

software and hardware generates over $20 billion per year in the United States alone.

The most significant development, however, is the growing connectivity of these gaming

devices. All three major consoles—Sony Corporation’s PlayStation 3, Microsoft’s Xbox 360,

and the Nintendo Co., Ltd.’s Wii—are designed to connect directly to the Internet. Gaming

companies added connectivity to video consoles to encourage gamers to buy new games

online and to compete with opponents playing the same games around the world. Most

contemporary games also have built-in messaging capability, so gamers can communicate

with each other in real time.

Keep in mind that the same connectivity, combined with the rapidly expanding features of

gaming console software, allows gamers to do everything online that they have traditionally

done using a computer—send e-mail, use Internet chat and instant-messaging services, surf

the Web, and send and view photographs. The potential dark side of gaming consoles was

unveiled last year, when a Kentucky man was arrested for using the communication

capabilities of his Sony Playstation 3 to strike up a relationship with an eleven-year-old girl

and solicit nude photos from her online.

Not long ago, a portable gaming device would have been a safer alternative—the only thing

handheld consoles were designed to do was play games. Like so many other types of

technology, however, recent models of handheld consoles—the Nintendo DS, the Sony

PlayStation Portable (PSP), and the Apple iPhone and iPad—are designed to connect to the

Internet for game downloads, interactive play, and messaging. In addition, both the

Nintendo DS and iPhone are equipped with built-in cameras.

In terms of capability and communications, no category of consumer device has changed as

dramatically as the mobile phone. First introduced in the United States in 1983, early

handheld phones were widely referred to as “bricks,” and did nothing more than allow

people to free themselves from fixed phone locations (though that seemed amazing enough

at the time). Around the turn of the twenty-first century, the development of faster cellular

networks (first 2G, then 3G) allowed for the transmission and downloading of multimedia

content. Ringtones were the first media content to be widely distributed, followed quickly by

games, photos, and eventually even streaming video.

The idea of the mobile phone as a connectivity tool began to creep into mainstream

consciousness in 2003, when Motorola Inc. released its hugely popular Razr phone in the

U.S. The sleek, slim, clamshell phone was equipped with a low-resolution camera, a 2.2-inch

LCD screen, and various communication options, including text messaging and a simple

Web browser that could be used to send e-mail. In many ways, it was the first device that

was as much a portable tool for surfing the Web as it was a phone (in fact, during the height

of the phone’s popularity, the Web browser Opera released a Razr-specific version of its

software, which offered more features than the phone’s own browser).

In the seven years since the Razr was released, the percentage of kids using mobile phones

has risen from twenty to approximately ninety-five. Part of that growth was the result of a

conscious effort on the part of mobile-phone companies, beginning in 2004, to target

advertisements at the teen market, a move that was obviously highly successful. Another

factor was Motorola’s success in making the mobile phone a fashion item—the Razr not

only looked cool, but came in a variety of attractive colors. But it was SMS messaging, or

“texting,” which did the most to bring teens and mobile phones together. More recent billing

data is still being analyzed, but between the first quarter of 2006 and the second quarter of

2008, the number of text messages sent in the U.S. skyrocketed from 65 million to 357

million. It’s not surprising, then, that in October 2010, 43 percent of teen mobile-phone

users reported that their primary reason for having a phone was to send texts to friends. The

SMS feature was the most frequently cited benefit of phone ownership, with “safety” and

“keeping in touch with friends” a distant second and third, respectively.

Games and Web surfing didn’t even make the list of top reasons for owning a mobile phone,

but it’s likely that will soon change. Apple Inc. ushered in the real era of handheld

computing and surfing with its release of the iPhone on January 9, 2007. What makes the

iPhone so remarkable—and so potentially troublesome for parents—is its seductive

combination of well-designed and powerful hardware, flexible software, and wireless

connectivity. It has been a tremendous hit.

In early 2008, Apple announced the creation of the iTunes Store, which allowed

programmers to sell their own applications (“apps”) for use on the iPhone. There are now

hundreds of thousands of apps for sale, and iPhone users have logged well over a billion

downloads in the three years since. Although Apple has aggressively policed the iTunes Store

to prevent the sale of obscene, indecent, and even politically provocative apps, there are still

hundreds, even thousands, of iPhone (or Android or Blackberry) applications that can land

kids in trouble. For instance, every major social network site—Facebook, MySpace, Twitter,

etc.—has its own app for posting photos or comments, and dozens of third-party apps offer

additional tools for interacting with those sites. There are also hundreds of apps—Pixelpipe,

Instagram, and so on—that are specifically designed to make it easier to take and upload

photos to social networking sites.

The enormous popularity of the iPhone has fueled a mobile computing arms race. Hardly a

month goes by without a new phone or mobile operating system hitting the streets. A year

after the iPhone debuted, for instance, a consortium of companies (including Google)

announced the release of Android, an open-source mobile operating system. Other

manufacturers, including Research in Motion Ltd. (RIM), Nokia Corporation, and Microsoft

Corporation, have announced the release of updated versions of their mobile operating

systems, along with their own platform-specific app stores. Not to be outdone, Apple has

released an upgraded version of its iPhone on a yearly basis; the most recent model, the

iPhone 4, allows users to conduct face-to-face video conversations using “FaceTime” (a

feature which the adult entertainment industry is already exploiting for pornographic

purposes).

Right now, only 23 percent of U.S. teens have a smartphone such as an iPhone or Android,

but that percentage will no doubt climb quickly.

Cybertraps for the Young: Your Child LOVES Technology

There was a time, not so long ago, when computers hid in the bowels of universities and corporations; when it took a quarter and a trip to the local arcade to play a video game; when the only way to make a phone call outside your house was in a glass booth with an outdated phone book; when a photo-processing clerk would be the first person to lay eyes on your vacation pictures.

Things have changed a bit over the last twenty-five years or so. Now, each of these activities can be accomplished with a device small enough to fit in the palm of your hand—and, increasingly, all these tasks can all be accomplished with a single device.

Our children are growing up in a world that is awash in remarkable digital technology. Kids seem astonishingly well suited to this world, as they effortlessly navigate complicated menus, rapidly master new programs, and nimbly text, tilt, and click away. It’s no wonder that post- Web/Millennial children are often referred to as “digital natives,” implying (correctly) that the rest of us are just strangers in an increasingly strange land.

Statistics offer some insight into just how much kids like technology. According to a recent study by NPD Group, a market researcher of technology trends, 82 percent of kids between the ages of two and seventeen—55.7 million U.S. children—describe themselves as “video gamers.” That includes a surprising number of kids who may not even be able to read the survey questions. All told, 9.7 million children between the ages of two and five reportedly play video games.

The adoption of other technology by kids is just as enthusiastic—and just as startling. Nearly four years ago, the Kaiser Family Foundation found that roughly a quarter of all children between the ages of four and six were using personal computers at least fifty minutes a day. Amazon.com offers more than twenty-five digital cameras designed specifically for children aged two to four, and the average age for a child’s first mobile phone is now under ten.

On their own, these cool technologies pose few legal risks to children (although they may have other effects, such as increasing distractibility and decreasing exercise—topics for another book). The real problems arise with the three C’s of technology: communication, capability, and convergence. More and more often, we’re handing our children remarkably powerful devices long before they have the wisdom or maturity to understand the consequences of misusing them.

Children are using computers and mobile phones to bully and harass each other. They’re using the cameras on their phones to take nude photos of themselves and others, and to send those photos to dozens or hundreds of other children. They’re using a variety of electronic devices to cheat in school, steal intellectual property, and commit a wide variety of crimes, from identity theft to hacking.

In short, it has never been more important for parents to take the time to understand how every device works, to think through the consequences of giving these devices to their children— regardless of their age—and to talk with their kids about how to use their electronic gadgets responsibly.

Why? It’s because a lot of them aren’t there anymore.  I learned this at home recently when “snooping” on my 14 year old’s Facebook page and found that he hadn’t updated it in months. No new pictures, no requests to go to the movies, no longings for some girl and no photos showing what happened at the birthday party we let him go to last week.  I made it clear, he can’t have a Facebook account unless I have the password. And one day when checking out the “messages” section on his page, found a litany of communication with boys and girls alike that said “I don’t like talking here. Text me.”

If you look at the latest demographics you’ll find that Facebook users are getting older and older. There’s a few reasons for this. One – kids KNOW we’re looking and those looking for jobs also know their prospective employers are looking, so they’re going elsewhere. Also, they’re a lot smarter than most parents in being first adopters to the fact that Facebook privacy is a joke. For whatever reason, we haven’t learned this yet.

Which brings us to the texting situation. According to new research, 22 percent of kids ages 6 to 9 already have their own cell phone. For everyone older – well, no research needed. They have one. I don’t care if they live in a tin shack in San Salvador (I’ve seen this personally), they have one. And they text. Constantly. Our family nights are sprayed by the constant text clicking noises of my 14 AND 12 year old boys. They have found that there is much more privacy (and instant response) to texting friends. As for photos, they text those too, AND post them on Instagram, which ironically is now owned by Facebook. So what’s the problem?

Well, there’s the extreme issue of “sexting,” and sharing of inappropriate pictures. Then there’s the bold and sometimes sexual statements of a boy AND girl going through “the change” when the boy has one thing on his mind and some girls are willing to say (and do) lots of stupid things to hook him. They develop relationships built on fantasy and infatuation, which texting sends them into faster than a test dummy into a wall during an auto collision test. It’s dangerous, and as parents we need to be aware.

The other issue is the isolation it creates. My kids text in the living room, in their bedrooms, in the car, in the movie theatre line and yes, at school. The end result? “Lack of Attention Theatre,” which leads to a drop in grades, distracted relational activity with the family and a forced isolation that’s predicated on reaching out to people they rarely actually talk to in person.

I asked one of my sons recently why he didn’t just pick up the phone and talk to the friend he was texting and said “I hate talking on the phone. This is better.” Don’t believe me? Look at your child’s cell minutes used plummet on your bill while the amount of texts rise disproportionately. Go ahead.

Our response as parents must be simple. If you care about the family dynamic, make a couple of changes in the home. We’ve done it. In my next article I’ll share a list of ideas to implement in an effort to “bring the kids back home.”

Mark Gilman is a married father of five, ages 28-12 and a member of the Enough Is Enough Advisory Board. He also owns a marketing and communications company based in the Detroit area (www.decusstrategy.com). He can be reached at mark@decusllc.com.

It also wasn’t that long ago that young adolescents spent weeks, months and sometimes years (okay, this was me) to muster the courage to share some candy, a valentine and yes, maybe a kiss for that girl (or boy) we had temporarily set our hearts on. Unfortunately, through the advent of social media and texting – this is no longer the case.

To prove my point I have only to travel as far as my living room couch. That’s the home office for my 13-year-old texting machine – otherwise known as my No. 4 kid and son. Each evening he plops himself down and through a dizzying array of hand dexterity, manages to churn out about a hundred texts per hour. I wish I was kidding or exaggerating. As a parent, I also feel it’s my right (much to his chagrin) to read what’s sent from that smart phone and if I’m lucky enough to grab it before he had the chance to delete anything, I usually find lots of things to use as “discussion starters.”

13 and a Player?

Let me first say that he is not a trouble kid. Other parents love to have him; he’s polite, giving and courteous (except when it comes to his 11 year old brother, but that’s expected). He’s also, according to the son of one of my friends, a bit of a “player” at school when it comes to the girls. This is something that I neither wanted to hear about, nor was remotely proud of. It’s a different world out there from when we were kids. The girls are ridiculously more aggressive and there are many more means of addressing common “rights of passage” for an adolescent that can be performed in a stealth-like or impersonal manner – like texting and Facebook. And we as parents have EVERY right to make sure those rights are dealt with in an honorable way. It was during one of these text and Facebook checking exercises that I came across my son experiencing a “right of passage” that was considerably more difficult and fear-inducing for me than for kids today  – the first kiss.

Now, when we were younger, we had only two means of communication other than the one we were all trying to avoid – face-to-face conversation. One was “note passing” in class and the other was the phone. Note passing was always ineffective as it seemed to never reach the right target and ended up in the hands of a classmate or a teacher that was fortuitous enough to intercept it. So the phone was usually the best option. This is how my phone calls to girls went when I was 13 or older (when in those rare occasions I mustered enough bravery to actually pick it up); “Hello ummmmm, aahhhhhh, is Julie there?  Hello, Julie, this is ummmmm, ahhhhh, mmmmmm, Mmmmmmark from class. Ummmm, ahhhhh…..”   You get the idea. About 10 panic stricken phone calls later and some even more gut wrenching, face-to-face, personal conversation later, I may have mustered the courage to peck a girl I really liked on the cheek.

So what’s the same communication look like in text or Facebook fashion for my 13 year old? As best as I can remember from looking at his recent text conversation, it very closely resembled this; “Hey babe, it’s me. Wat up? Wat m I doin? IDK. Hey, y ever been kissed? Wanna? 2nite? U goin 2 Basketball game? Meet m @South blchers? IDK, 7? Kewl.”

Spelling issues and sentence structure horrors aside, I was floored. To this day I still haven’t received a straight answer as to whether this supposed first kiss was ever consummated, but it certainly led to a much bigger discussion about relationships, kissing (I am a firm believer that kissing leads to pregnancy as I’ve told my high school bible study classes over the years to a room of rolled eyes) and sex.

Lessons Learned

There are a couple of things to gain from this story. First, I believe it is firmly within your right as a “Digitally Aware Parent” to check what your child is writing on his phone and on Facebook (or Twitter for the more digitally advanced kids). I have told the two left in my house that the minute a password is changed or I see them deleting things, they lose the privilege to have an account or a phone. I WILL have access.

Secondly and more importantly, you need to not be like me and wait until you find this type of stuff going on to actually have a real discussion with your kids about dating, relationships and how to treat the opposite sex. I’m aware there is much worse going on out there and we’ll cover some of that here in future blog posts. But in the meantime, use these somewhat minor opportunities for good. Don’t be one of those parents who are identified by your kids when they’re older as the ones who “never talked to me about dating or sex.” They may not want to do it now and complain about it, but you’re planting seeds for the future.

One more thing. We now limit how much time our younger sons can use their phones. Evenings especially, are family time and yes, I had to put down my iPad in solidarity to this new edict.  You can do it too.

Mark Gilman is a Senior Vice President for a Detroit area marketing and social media agency and an advisory board member of Enough is Enough. A former reporter, radio talk show host and corporate communications executive, Mark now provides marketing and social media strategy for companies and non-profits across the country. He can  be reached at gilmanmark@yahoo.com 

I have five kids from the ages of 27 down to 11 and I’ve seen a lot over the years. Some I’d like to forget. I’ve witnessed how the Internet has segued from a vital and exciting educational tool to a landing strip (excuse the pun) for predators and pornographers. I’ve watched as kids have stumbled into instant access to some of the most hardened and graphic images we could have ever imagined. I’ve watch online predators pray on their short term naivety. Short-termed because once they’ve been exposed they become savvy in a world we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy. Sodom used to be a city. Now it’s available visually on our laptops, our tablets, our netbooks and our kids’ phones. From streaming porn to sexting, trying to raise a child today in a world devoid of their exposure to adult and unseemly content has become nearly impossible. If you think you’ve conquered this – and I’ve been there – you’re wrong. But I refuse to give up.

Lord knows we’ve tried. We’ve put filters and accountability software on our computers only to now have to deal with a new generation of kids who spend more time on their phones, tablets and Facebook than the home computer we’ve so carefully placed in a public place so we could supervise them. I’ve seen prostitutes and porn actors become revered celebrities. I’ve seen evidence of young girls trained at an early age on the very adult and pornographic ways of making their boyfriends happy without losing their virginity. We’ve watched young pre-teen girls send sexual images to boys and the boys texting their aroused responses. It’s an unsavory topic and frankly, one that makes me cringe daily. But it’s real and like the pornography that pervades our society – unavoidable.

So how do we combat all that is assaulting our family’s senses and morality? I would ask you start by viewing Internet Safety 101 produced by Enough Is Enough. It’s a fantastic and in-depth guide to educating parents on what’s out there, what to avoid and how to arm our families with the facts. It’s not a simple world anymore and has become almost a full time job to comprehend and combat.

What I hope to do in this column is provide personal experience and an insight from someone who uses these tools for good (and a living) while attempting to protect his kids from the bad and ugly. From texting and Facebook to Twitter and YouTube, this column will provide an assist for those, who like me, are doing everything they can to become “DAPer” – in a good way.

There are things I’m going to share here that are ugly, starling, and yes, sometimes amusing. But the bottom line is this. If we don’t share our experiences, we’re doomed to wonder who and what else is out there. There is no shame in admitting we’ve sometimes failed and at times fallen asleep at the media wheel. There is only shame in doing nothing at all. We owe ourselves to be educated and in a defensive and informed posture with one big goal that EIE has stood for since its inception – to protect our kids.

I look forward to sharing my insight and experiences and hearing more about yours. I don’t have all the answers. You already know you don’t. Let’s become “DAPer” together.

Mark Gilman is a Senior Vice President for a Detroit area marketing, video and public relations agency and an advisory board member of Enough Is Enough. A former reporter, radio talk show host and corporate communications executive, Mark now provides marketing and social media strategy for companies and non-profits across the country. He can be reached at sociallyawareparents@gmail.com

In an effort to combat cyberbullying and the negative consequences felt by children and families, I want to focus this blog post on some solutions to prevent cyberbullying. The challenges are many and the roles of parents, educators, bystanders and others are paramount.

Cyberbullies use technology to harass and torment their victims via digital communications.  Any Internet-enabled or mobile devices can be abused in the process of cyberbullying. Unlike schoolyard bullying, cyberbulling can occur 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, be it through texting, social media or instant messaging. In fact the methods of cyberbullying are only limited by the bully’s imagination. Listed below are three major challenges presented by cyberbullying, as well as solutions to overcome these challenges.

 Challenge 1: Your child falsely believes he or she cannot control what is posted on his or her social networking site or who sends messages to him or her.

 Solution 1: Kids can control who posts on their online profiles by first, setting their profiles as private, meaning those not approved by your child as an online “friend” cannot view your child’s information or post on your child’s profile. Secondly, kids can control who posts on their profiles by blocking specific online “friends” from being able to view or post information. In an effort to prevent and monitor cyberbullying that may occur, make it your responsibility as the parent to ensure your child’s profile is set to private and you are “friended” by your child so that you can review the activities and comments on your childs social networking site.

Challenge 2: Your child feels uncomfortable telling you what someone else wrote on your child’s wall because the comment is inappropriate. Therefore your child fears you may be disappointed in him or her.

 Solution 2: Keep open lines of communication with your child and build an atmosphere of trust. Review online posts in question with your child to make him or her aware of your concern and to start an open dialogue about cyberbullying. Make sure you look your child in the eye and tell him or her that nothing anyone else says or writes in a message will decrease your love.  It’s important to stay calm and avoid overreacting. Your children will be more comfortable talking to you about issues they encounter if they aren’t afraid you will make matters worse.

Challenge 3: Your child feels powerless to deal with cyberbullying.

Solution 3: Feeling powerless is a normal feeling for bullied kids. Encourage and empower your child with tools for victims of bullying (featured in a graphic at the bottom of this post). If your child is harassed online, contact the administrator of the site on which your child is harassed. All social networking sites have a zero tolerance policy for cyberbullying, and those who like to bully online will find their profiles shut down. Remind your child that giving bullies attention is exactly what they want, so ignore them as much as possible.

In a recent CBS News 48 Hours, the mother of Jessica Logan, a victim of cyberbullying and suicide, said, “I did as much as I could do as a parent knowing as little as I did.”  I am sure there are many other parents concerned because they know little about the new-age online danger of cyberbullying plaguing their children. For this reason, Enough Is Enough℠ created Internet Safety 101℠ to educate, equip and empower parents and all caring adults with the knowledge and resources needed to protect children from cyberbullying and other online dangers.

Our Internet Safety 101℠ program devotes an entire segment in the DVD teaching series and workbook to the issue of cyberbullying. One of the wisest things you can do if you’re a parent, grandparent or guardian of children is to become equipped, educated and empowered through receiving your own personal copy of our multi-media Internet Safety 101℠ program. You can view a short clip from the cyberbullying segment of the DVD training by clicking here. The Internet Safety 101℠ DVD teaching series will provide you with the information you need to protect children through taking steps to prevent Internet-initiated crimes against children, all while participating in the training in the comfort of your own home.

Stand with us and tell cyberbullies Enough Is Enough℠!

Additional Resources:

• Cyberbullying Tip Sheet
• Rules ‘N Tools^SM Checklist
• Cyberbullying Tactics